Goals. Is there any point to have them?

I am the master of my destiny and the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

We live in an ambitious world and much has been said about goals. Various books or trainings repeat to us that if our goals are to be met, we should have them written down. They should be just “properly ambitious” and we should return to them regularly. In this way, I can list other XY characteristics, which if we fulfill, we increase the chances of achieving our goals.

I talk about how exactly to do this in other articles. Now I want to address a question that we should ask ourselves before we grab a pen and paper and start dreaming and writing.

Do we actually need to set up goals?

There are people who are lucky enough to be very internally consistent. They don’t have many life dilemmas. Often, already during high school, they know who they want to become and go after it.

I’ve always had dilemmas. Although it is sometimes inconvenient, I am grateful for it. It adds complexity to my thinking and the ability to look at things from different perspectives.

I was already struggling with dilemmas during high school.

Do I want to go to college, or f*** the “system” (or the Matrix as I call it) and go traveling?

To be ambitious or relaxed?

Should I be thinking about the future or be living in the present?

Set goals or take life as it comes?

When I was about 25, I was listening to a recording of a Czech motivational speaker Mark Dzirasa. To my surprise, he addressed this exact question. Until then, I believed I was the only person in the world thinking about it :)). Mark said it was actually one and the same path. I didn’t understand. I thought about it, but no matter how hard I tried, it didn’t make sense. “How can I achieve anything if I don’t think about the future? After all, if I relax, I’ll be fine. If I’m fine, I won’t have a reason to change anything!”

After trying both approaches on my own, I can confirm that I unnecessarily limited myself. Mark was right.

It is the same way.

Because having goals and living for the present are not mutually exclusive.

Even traveling needs to be planned.

An ambitious person can live in the present.

Having plans and goals doesn’t mean we can’t live fully in the present moment. Paradoxically, on the contrary. I’ll get to that.

So what sort of goals to set?

Your goal can be anything. If you’ve been avoiding the topic of goals because you find them too materialistic, stressful, or against living in the present, know that you’re robbing yourself of enormous potential.

For example, you can set a goal that you can meditate for an hour. Or that you grow your own vegetables. You may decide to learn public speaking. Or you put together a great skiing trip every year. Or you will go to South America and learn Spanish for a year before that.

The bottom line is that you live your life consciously and thus make it more interesting. More fun. More meaningful.

If these arguments don’t completely convince you, I’ll tell you another one that might win you over.

If you don’t set your goals, someone else will.

Boom. I could drop the mike here. But I won’t.

Saying “yes” to your goal means “no” to nonessentials

Imagine you are at work. It’s 5:00 PM and you happily shut down your computer and get up to leave. The boss will come and ask you if you can stay longer today as she needs help with something.

Option A: you already have plans

Dance training or an arranged dinner with your boyfriend, or you have a seminar planned.

Option B: you have nothing planned after work.

When is it more likely that you will say a firm “NO” to your boss?

No brainer, option A.

This is how it works throughout life. Exactly like this. If you don’t have your goals, your plans and priorities, others will fill your life with their priorities.

At work, you know the colleagues who constantly need something because they are too lazy to be resourceful? If you don’t have your priorities for the day set, it’s very easy to be seduced by their demands. They get the promotion, you get overtime.

In private life, you might have friends who often need help knowing that you are one of those people who always have time.

It’s a little scarier in the long run. How many people suddenly realise that for years they have been doing work that they don’t actually have a relationship with, but they simply don’t know what else to do?

Or do they do it because they feel they don’t want to disappoint their family or partner? Sometimes the fear of change is not to blame. Sometimes it’s just that we simply don’t think about other options.

It’s hard to say no, or to leave a situation that doesn’t suit us, when we have no alternative. Own direction. The North Star we are going after.

It is much easier to say no or leave if we know why. If our time is filled with our own agenda, there is no room for the agenda of others. Or as you can imagine, if you plant nothing in the soil, soon you will find thriving weeds in your backyard.

So if you already see the point in thinking about your goals, let’s look at where to start.

What is it that you truly want?

Have you ever wondered why motivation doesn’t last?

Why do so many people quit training after two weeks?

Why is it that even the most skilled salespeople on your team can’t maintain high sales?

How is it that so many people start working on something and in a few months it’s just a pale memory?

In this context, we usually hear that people have “lost motivation”. Or they have poor motivation. Or they are not persistent. Yes, persistence is important. Ability to motivate yourself as well.

But there is something else.

From everything I have read and experienced on my own experience, I am deeply convinced that the successful fulfillment of goals depends on whether they are based on values. Are they based on what really matters to us? On who we are or want to become? That’s what really really matters.

Trial, error

Once upon a time, when I was working as a financial intermediary, I wanted to buy a car. Instead of looking at some used older cars, I was looking at new models. I tried to motivate myself. Multiple times. I imagined myself in my (then) dream car and the idea excited me. I imagined how cool it would be and how successful I would look. Here and there my motivation lasted longer, sometimes shorter.

Until it was completely gone.

When I didn’t feel like picking up the phone and calling a potential client, the idea of getting out of some stupid car was completely irrelevant. My deepest values I normally relied on in unpleasant situations, simply did not include owning a car. Full stop.

On the other hand, when I focused on the things that truly made sense to me, doing a good job, great relationships with my previous clients and that I wanted to provide my service to as many people as possible, all of a sudden the phone calls to potential clients became easier.

The joy of organising my own time also motivated me.

The feeling of helping someone too.

How to connect with your values?

It’s not something we can do in five minutes. Or in half an hour by sticking a picturre of the car and the holiday resort on the vision board.

We need to sit down for coffee (or wine) with ourselves and really think about what truly matters to us. And do it regularly. Until we have a clarity that we have discovered something we can lean on, even if we go through a rough patch. May be even more then.

It is probably no coincidence that the most successful colleagues were mostly those who had families and were motivated to do the best so they can provide for them.

There are many values that you can take into account when writing your goals

Hello

Family

Freedom

Education

Personal growth

Love for a partner or children

Honesty

Loyalty

Diligence

For more inspiration, ask Google for more examples and you can take inventory of your own. It will get you back on track.

Diversions…

Many times we unknowingly deviate from what really matters to us and we cannot figure out where the feeling that we are missing something comes from. Restlessness. Heaviness…

For example, I personally had a phase when I told myself that my family – dad and sister – come first. But my thought process went about as deep as when a healthy person claims their health is the first priority, while doing nothing for their body. Simply because their health is taken for granted.

So I told myself that family was one of my top priorities. But I rarely took the time to call them. Which is quite a problem if you live on the other side of the world and haven’t seen your family in forever.

I fought off the feeling of guilt by saying that I had a lot to do and there is was no time and it would be better one day.

However, if there is no time for what I consider my important value, then what am I actually making time for?

Who am I lying to?

That is why it is so important to do inventories regularly. When I did the first such inventory myself, it wasn’t a nice look. But rather facing the truth earlier than waterfall of tears when we’re older…

Goals vs. Values

The difference between values and goals is that you can cross off the goal, but the value stays with you.

If you have ever suffered from a “lack of motivation”, read carefully.

I will explain this principle using an example that everyone has experienced or seen our acquaintances going through this – going to the gym. You can apply it to any area of life – business, studies or saving money.

Here is our gym example.

Two different people start going to the gym. They set a goal and start working on it.

In six months, one of them keeps going. The other one quit. Why?

Probably the first thing that comes to our mind is that the other person’s motivation wasn’t strong enough. And I keep asking – why?

The power of motivation depends on whether our goal is connected to our true values. And how meaningful these values are.

Superficial goals or values

If our goals are not connected to something deeper within us, following problems will arise:

• We fail in moments of weakness.
• If we don’t see the results quickly, we will quit.

Imagine, you are standing in front of the mirror and you say to yourself that it is time to get in shape.

Or, you look at your bank account and know you should start saving. You can apply following approach to any situation.

Without unnecessary thinking, you start to act. You don’t think about the obstacles you will have to overcome, or WHY the change is needed. You will focus on the bright future you will live when it is done. You can see how skinny you are lying on the beach in Croatia and on Instagram. Or you can see yourself walking into a bar as big buff man, while women are screaming and falling to your knees (I have no idea what I am talking about, just picturing some parody in my head). Or you see yourself being a successful entrepreneur. Without a deeper thought, you go headlong into action.

The only thing you see is the final result, and you take the PROCESS just as a necessary evil – you don’t even want to think it now.

However, the process should be connected with values, and if you look the journey as a suffering, you condemn yourself to unpleasant times and disappointment.

Let’s now analyze how this actually happens.

Problem #1: failure in moments of weakness

So we decide to start going to the gym.

We cut out a photo of a model or a bodybuilder from a magazine, put it on the fridge, subscribe to the gym and start going.

And then comes the test. Totally stressful day at work, your mom gets mad at you and your friend cancels your Saturday trip. You come home and the last thing you want to do is prepare a healthy dinner, don’t even mention eating it.

In addition, the photo of the model on the fridge that was supposed to motivate you will actually piss you off. Because wtf does that skinny bitch on the picture know about real life? And let’s face it, you won’t look like her anyway, because she is 180 cm and a brunette and you are a 165 cm blonde. So you pour yourself a big glass of red and throw the left over pizza from the freezer in the oven. F*** all the bullshit, all you want is to feel good, asap. Don’t you deserve it? You’ll deal with the guilt tomorrow.

Problem 2: if you don’t see results quickly, you’ll quit

After a few weeks, you will also realise another thing. You go to that crappy gym 4 times a week, dark early mornings or late evenings, and after two weeks of suffering you’ve only lost two kilos, or maybe just one. You may have even gained a kilo, because the muscles are heavier. “What the hell is the point of this?” you ask yourself.

But if you’re already asking yourself questions, maybe you can ask another one – “How come some people can do it?”

Motivation based on values

Starting to exercise for looks doesn’t mean you won’t succeed. If deep down that’s what you care about, you’ll do well.

My point is that when setting a goal you need to be honest with yourself and find your real WHY.

For example, when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle, I share few reasons that may not sound exciting, but are logical and solid. Yours may be different. The bottom line is that you have to discover your own in every area of life. My reasons for exercising and eating healthy:

• not exercising and doing nothing for my body feels deeply wrong. Unhealthy. Ungrateful. My body does a lot for me, so I can find half an hour to an hour a day for it
• If I don’t exercise for more than a week, everything hurts. I am tired. I sleep worse
• I am happy when I overcome myself. In fact, the more I don’t want to go to the gym, the happier and prouder I am when I do it anyway
• Pleasant feeling in the body and muscles
• And yes, I do it for looks too. Because we don’t have to lie to ourselves, it’s nice to be able to wear almost anything and feel comfortable. And logic tells me that the metabolism will not be fast forever

Reading the above, I can see that exercise and diet are connected with values such as health, productivity (having a lot of energy), integrity (exercise even if I don’t want to, because I promised myself).

Reasons that last

It also means that if I set my mind to lose two kilos and achieve it, I won’t stop working out. Because my real motivation hardly changes. I will want to feel good and healthy even after achieving some goal. I’ll just add that I don’t even own the scale for that reason.

If someone starting a fitness program can find really good reasons for taking this step, he or she won’t care about losing two pounds after two weeks. How is this relevnt in the overall context? Intrinsically motivated people perceive other things.

They will prefer to focus on the changes they feel in their body.

Enjoy the new people they meet in the gym.

They will look forward to the feeling they feel after exercise.

Celebrate the joy of progress – no matter how fast it is.

Enjoy the new challenges they can set for themselves.

If they reach their goal – for example, to lose 15 kilos, instead of stopping exercise, they set another goal – to gain muscle or go to the Spartan race.

The main advantages of values-based goals

It is more pleasant to work on them. Joy of the journey. From the fact that they even started.

No yo-yo effects. Again, this applies to all areas – saving money, running a business, selling, relationships.

You will fulfil them. That’s the paradox of it all – if you start doing anything for the right reason and enjoy the process, you’re much more likely to achieve your goal than if you just chase the result.

Motivation. If you fulfil a goal connected to what really matters to you, you will naturally and with gusto set another one. On the contrary, if you arrive at your destination with your tongue sticking out, you will fall back into old habits.

Conclusion

Goals make life interesting. Fun. There is always something to look forward to. Something to work on. Not with the feeling that life is just a matter of time and that you will be happy only when you achieve your goal. This is a trap in which many people live and one of the biggest illusions of our world.

Properly set goals based on your values will bring you a sense of satisfaction the moment you start working on them. Not settling for less, but satisfaction.

If you connect your goals with values, you will start to enjoy life more. That’s the paradox – you know you’re preparing for the received future, so you can relax and live in the present. You know you’re going in the right direction and making progress every week, why to worry? You work on them, everything else will come in due time.

I myself am a living example. I am writing this article on Sunday, the day before I go to work, which is definitely not my dream job. It depressed me for a long time. But since I’ve been working on my vision in my spare time, I feel completely different.

I don’t know how it will turn out. I could doubt it and prefer to lie on the couch and watch series all weekend. Or sit on the beach and do nothing.

But I don’t want to leave my values lying on the shelf to gather dust. I want to create and bring my (I believe useful) views to other people. Just like other people bring their interesting views to me. I want us to enrich each other. That’s a mini view of my values.